my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
