Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
