I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
