no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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