Porn is love you can see.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
