With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
