i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
