If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
