Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
