My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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