Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
