I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
