u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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