dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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