they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
