Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
