I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I had to cum in my sink.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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