This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
