porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let's get the cat blown out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
