He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
