Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
