just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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