Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But theres a keg here and me gusta
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
