it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
