im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
