it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
