Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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