Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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