Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
