Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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