when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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