Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
