Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
