I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
