her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
