eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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