...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
