IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
