just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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