Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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