It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
