We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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