i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
