Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
