Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
