The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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