we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
