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How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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