I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
