new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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